Written by a guy, informed by amazing LYMBR moms.
Whether you are new to motherhood or a veteran, a boy mom, girl mom, or dog mom, this day is entirely for you!
Motherhood is a full-time job with a varying range of occupations. In one single day you may be a chauffeur, a coach, a nurse, a referee, a therapist, a chef, a maid, a teacher, not to mention you’re on call 24/7. As fulfilling and meaningful as this is, a routine of that caliber can be rigorous no matter who you are or how organized you try to be.
As a man, I have zero expertise to be writing about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Instead, I like to think that my life has been shaped by the forces of powerful women. My mother, for example, worked extremely hard raising me after my parents’ divorce, working jobs she hated in order to give me a good life. My grandmother fought the oppressive corporate patriarchy in the 60’s and 70’s, and eventually ran HR for huge companies in New York City, helping to prevent that oppression for the next generation of women. Finally, my stepmother, who could have easily given zero regard to my wellbeing but chose to step up and be a second mother to me; she never missed a game and was there for all the big moments. While I certainly do not and will never have firsthand experience of being a mother, I definitely have experience being raised by stellar role models in motherhood.
I am also fortunate to work with strong mothers in my LYMBR Community. I spoke to two women Christine and Lisa, both of whom I look up to. Christine is expecting her first child any day now, and Lisa has two awesome kids in their 20’s. I wanted to understand the different mindsets and approaches taken by new mothers and experienced moms. Two moms at different stages of motherhood, with very similar insights into both motherhood and life itself. Here’s what they had to say.
Christine
1. What are some of the things, physical and mental, that have helped with your pregnancy?
Physically, staying active at least a few times a week throughout pregnancy even if that’s just walking the dog has been so beneficial for me. I went to the chiropractor every week in my first and second trimester which made a huge difference, especially now in the 3rd trimester, because my back pain has gotten better instead of worse. I started a stretch routine in the first trimester and after my LYMBR session (with Conner!). I added [stretching and strengthening] 3x a week, specific to my body. I think that combined w the chiro really helped keep me active and feeling great. Mentally- I actually committed to doing 4 “wellness” activities a month for my mental health. So, they could be anything I wanted and different each month but just something self-care related. So, I’ve gone to sound baths, group meditations, yoga classes and prenatal massages. It’s been a nice reminder to slow down and take care of myself. Almost like a reset.
2. What is the best advice you can give to expecting mothers?
I wish someone had told me the great side of pregnancy. I’m very fortunate to have had an easy pregnancy, but I spent a good amount of time worried about all of the “what’s to come” from the horror stories I had heard. There’s a lot of “oh just wait until…. The heartburn, the swelling, the nausea, etc. A lot of those things I didn’t experience, and I wish I hadn’t feared what the next week would bring each week. Another piece of advice a good friend gave me in the beginning was find one or two resources/people to get your information from and tune out the rest. This was so helpful!
3. Who was your biggest role model in motherhood?
My mom of course!
4. What is your favorite resource for parenting or motherhood?
Karrie Locher on Instagram. @karrielocher has so much free and really great info.
Also, Expectingandempowered.com has a pregnancy workout plan that was great, especially in the beginning as I figured out what modifications were best while working out. The founders of the site, Krystle Howald (PT, DPT) and Amy Kiefer (NSCA-CPT) are extremely knowledgeable.
5. What is something that makes you really excited about being a mom?
Aww so many things!! I just can’t wait to meet her and kiss those baby feet!
Lisa
1. What makes your parenting style different? Who was your motherhood role model?
While I am clearly my children’s parent, I feel like we also have amazing friendships. I respect who they are individually and try my best to honor that. My mom was incredible as she was a great listener, a calming presence and very approachable. My mom was completely selfless – I wish she had taken more time for herself. She deserved it!
2. Have you imparted some of these lessons to your own children? Have they taken to your teachings?
I think my kids see me as approachable and easy to talk to. They have definitely seen me take time for myself, which I hope they carry forward when they become parents. Moms are considered heroes for their selflessness, but I think I’m a better mom for not giving away ALL of me. I think they respect the goals I’ve set and conquered. I’ve run marathons, have a great crowd of women that I golf, workout, and hike with, and I have my own business.
3. What are the biggest motherhood myths and mistakes? What are the biggest wastes of time?
As I mentioned above, the biggest myth is that moms have to be all things to everyone in their family – we are only human! We need to be happy and satisfied in our own skin to be the best for our children. Balance is key. Being a parent is insanely rewarding and the greatest gift of my life. I feel like I’ve done a pretty decent job because I stayed active and healthy throughout their childhood. Exercise and wellness are both great stress relievers, and parenting comes with mountains of joy and a few hills of stress.
4. What are your favorite instructional resources on the subject?
By far I lean on my friends who are mothers the most. We share our troubles and our successes – there is no better group to lean on than those closest to you who know what you are experiencing as a mom. It’s good to have friends who support you and are also honest – sometimes even us moms need a kick in the pants to make some changes that will benefit our parenting. I have been the friend who has encouraged a few mom friends to get out more and take care of themselves.
5. If you had to train me to be a mother in 12 weeks, with 1 million dollars on the line to get me ready, what would your training program be?
Wow that’s a tough one. I would say speak to your children in a respectful manner, don’t talk down to them, they’re smarter than you think. Let them make mistakes early so they know what that feels like. While it’s tempting to always let them win at a sport or playing a game, they need to experience the emotions and resolve that come from winning and losing. Set expectations EARLY and stick to them. We went to restaurants throughout the toughest years to bring kids out to dine; birth to 4 yrs. We were sticklers on table manners, staying at the table, appropriate voice levels, etc. It may sound like we were no fun – but we were! (I refused to have kids that flung themselves on the ground and threw tantrums, and they never did.) Another tip is to be honest with them about your own life experiences. A big goal of mine was to create a relationship where my kids could come to me with their problems, especially in those early to mid-teen years. If they see you as a saint who never made mistakes or did anything wrong, you’re the LAST person they’ll come to.
6. What are your key principles for beginning motherhood? Middle? Future?
You have to adapt as your child develops their own personality over the years. And it’s important to not have a “one size fits all” parenting style. Every child is different and deserves to be seen as such. Throughout all 3 stages, it’s key to keep an eye on yourself so you can maintain the stamina and joy of motherhood. Stay active doing whatever you enjoy and take time for selfless self-care. Beginning – love everything they do and celebrate all the little achievements that come in those early years. They are tough for sure, but each stage gets better and better, and goes by so fast. Soak in every moment and don’t take it for granted. Middle – get to know your child and nourish their interests. Avoid pushing them towards things that other kids like, you like, or wish you had done. That’s not fair and only sets them up for potential failure. Do, however, encourage them to try things outside their comfort zone. Even as adults, we don’t know until we try, the same goes for kids. It’s good to communicate when you are doing that as a parent so they can see that even you, their hero, tries things that may intimidate us, or we may not be good at. Future – People are always evolving, your kids will too. Be open to watching them grow and don’t label them as one type of person. Who they are at 15 is different from 18, 25, 30, etc. We’re all always growing, grow with them and embrace who they are throughout all of life’s milestones.
If I learned anything from my conversations with Christine and Lisa it was that there is an inherent selflessness and grace to taking on this job, and no one deserves a day of appreciation and R&R more than the nearly 2 billion moms worldwide. Furthermore, these are great points to not just motherhood, but life itself: Trying to do it all is futile, be selfish with your self-care, and appreciate the little things.
If you’re a mother who needs a day, if you’re a child who wants to show their appreciation, or you’re a significant other who wants to say “thank you,” come in to LYMBR, and give the gift that keeps on giving.
Written by Conner Fritchley, LYMBR Master Trainer, Darien Stretch Therapist, Son and Soon-to-be son-in-law.
